Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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