I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
