Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
