I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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