A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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