"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
