True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there was a trapeze. enough said
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We don't watch enough power rangers
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
