you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so let's talk penis.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
