You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
