can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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