So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
