I heard we made out
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
