swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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