Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
