life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
