I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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