just tell him i said nine months
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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