the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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