I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Found the puke drawer
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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