just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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