So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Its about making memories worth repressing
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
