is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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