Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
