Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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