I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
