it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
