my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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