Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
