I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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