I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
