get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
