Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
