Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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