He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
