He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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