they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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