Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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