Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
