Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
