rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize