i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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