Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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