I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
