I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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