My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
