My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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