the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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