there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
