Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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