You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
