We're facebook friends in real life
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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