when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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