i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize