A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
