My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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