Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
