my vag is so smooth its legendary
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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