I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
