I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
