dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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