i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Damn victory sex feels great
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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