Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
