My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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