is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
