you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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