She's JV to your varsity
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
