that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
