do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
