Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
