shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I want a musical about memes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
