Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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