So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
