4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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