i need an iv and a liver transplant
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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