people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
